I woke up this morning fresh and early. I had just about summoned the energy to get up, start the weekend and be ‘productive,’ when suddenly shit hits the fan. From now on I will be referring to my beloved Labrador, Reggie, as ‘The Dickhead,’ because that is exactly what he is. My Dickhead dog ate 4 hot cross buns. Not just Asda’s own but a local bakery my dad specially visited to purchase his favourite Easter treat. Suffice to say the fancier the hot cross bun, the more raisin-y it is. And if you didn’t know, raisins are HELLA poisonous to dogs.
We flew into a panic. Mum dials the vet’s emergency helpline, I start Googling options online and gathering items we might need in case we have to make the Dickhead throw up: towels, marigolds, bin bags, Rennies, mints…anything and everything I could find. We manage to get through to the vets and they ask us to bring the Dickhead in to induce him to vomit. Due to the virus we have to sit in the car for about two hours, waiting. I can safely say after a month in isolation with your parents and two hours in a car with your mum, you definitely run out of things to say.
Eventually we get a call from the vets with two options:
- Hope the Dickhead has sicked out the raisins and that he’s fine.
- Take the Dickhead to the local pet hospital and have him pumped full of electrolytes through an IV at around £300 per day, not including medication.
Obviously we pick the second option as we are British and nothing comes between us and our pooch (even if he is a Dickhead.) We arrive at the hospital, IV in hand, with a fairly worn out looking dog. We explain to the vet what had happened. He essentially tells us we were overreacting, but in the same breath warns that “it’s possible he could die.”
We get a call to pick up the Dickhead as he is absolutely fine. Safe to say he is very happy when we arrive, unlike my mother’s bank account.
It’s official: I’ve been working one full month at my new job. I’d love to say that I’m starting to feel like part of the furniture, but given that I only physically spent a week and a half in the office before going into isolation, that wouldn’t be strictly true. What I will say is that I am definitely mastering the art of sounding enthusiastic through Microsoft Teams and am quickly learning the keyboard shortcuts to all the emojis in the hope that I never sound passive aggressive…something I am highly aware of after my astrology app informed me I come across as conceited. The silver lining of the virus is that being able to work from home gives me something to do with my day, and Monday mornings now definitely feel a little less grim.
Made my biggest purchase to date today. I finally surrendered to the countless Instagram ads and pressure from the creative industry and purchased an iPad and Apple Pencil. (Pretty lit, I know.) The original plan was to save up during the first few months of working because I wanted to move out as soon as possible, but that seems a little unrealistic in the current climate. I have instead settled for the next best thing, the iPad, which will basically enable me to work from my bed. This is what dreams are made of. (Last sentence must be sung to the tune of the same name from the cinematic classic, the Lizzie McGuire Movie.)
I was nearly late for work today. To be honest, this is pretty impressive as my current ‘office’ is approximately 6 metres away from my bedroom. I manage to get sorted just in time for the morning video meeting, or ‘Daily Stand Up’ as we call it – because we are cool and tech-y. Stand Up is generally comprised of about 5 minutes of talking about work, 2 minutes of people trying on different camera filters and 10 minutes of showing each other our pets. You know, useful work stuff. I spend my lunch break watching a YouTuber’s pregnancy announcement video and then started crying. I can’t tell if the isolation is getting to me or I’m about to start my period. Probably the latter.
It’s the latter.
I spent 5 hours essentially waiting for a file to upload and couldn’t do anything else on the computer because it kept crashing. During the wait I decided to use my time wisely and think of creative ways to spend my isolation. Through various subreddits I came across this website: https://morse.withgoogle.com/learn/ and not to show off but I’m pretty much fluent in at least half of the morse code alphabet. And yes, you should be impressed.
I realise it’s a bank holiday this weekend and I have fuck all to do. Weekend blues are becoming a thing, let alone 4-day weekends. I tell myself I will be productive this weekend and currently I am writing this, so that’s something at least. Fingers crossed I stick to it…
Side note: Dad has bought hot cross buns. There is tension in the house.
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